Why I’m Crazy

I know I'm not sane, but I try not to let it get me down.

I guess it's just one of those things that I have come to accept over the years.

Usually, I try not to talk too much in public, or around strangers, for fear of saying the wrong thing and coming across as 'odd'.

That's one of the reasons why I don't drink.

Last time I got REALLY drunk, I cornered some guy at a party and gave him a long lecture about his subconscious mind, and how he needed to think positive thoughts.

I kept telling him that he was beautiful, and that he just needed to love himself.

He told me that I was the nicest drunk girl he'd ever met.

Unfortunately, he also thought I was after him, when really I was just trying to give him some therapy.

Still to this day, every time I see him he gets this big grin, like, 'Yeah, drunk girl thinks I'm cute.'

Actually, drunk girl thinks you need better self esteem, thank you.

I've made myself look pretty stupid while I was drunk, and that's the truth.

I also have a slight fear of returning to see my dentist, since I made myself look pretty stupid there too, while I was high on nitrous oxide.

They just sent me a post card to tell me that I am now due for a tooth cleaning.

But I don't know if I want to go back there after what happened last time.

One of my old fillings had popped out and so I had made an emergency appointment to see the dentist.

When I got there, they were already slightly disgusted with me because I had exaggerated the condition of my tooth in order to get an emergency appointment.

I told the receptionist that I was pretty sure there was no tooth left, and that it was oozing green stuff.

In all actuality, all I had was a little hole in the side of my tooth, so the dental hygienist didn't seem to think I was as bad off as I thought I was.

I still needed a filling, but I panicked really badly when the dentist tried to give me the shot of novican that he seemed to think I needed for my tooth.

I told the dentist that instead of giving me a shot, I'd much rather just go it with no pain killer, or maybe I'd accept a little nitrous oxide.

The dentist told me that that was the 'man's way' of getting your teeth filled.

I told him that I didn't care about that, but there was no way I was getting a shot because shots hurt too bad.

So he gave me nitrous oxide. And I don't know what happened to me, but I had just finished reading, 'The Tao of Physics' so I felt inclined to ask the dentist questions about the nature of personal reality.

I asked him stuff like, "If everything was really is energy, where does the gas mask end, and my face began?"

The dentist said he didn't know.

Then, since I was high I think, I asked him if he ever thought about what thoughts were.

"Are thoughts energy?" I asked, "And if so, if they are, they must add to the collective energy of the world. Don't you think? And if so, clearly, thoughts help to shape your personal reality."

I was so high; it was like I was drunk.

The dentist asked me if I would be ok to drive home.

I told him I thought I would be, but that the nitrous oxide incident would remind me always of why I shouldn't drink.

I'm too weird sober. I don't need to drink. I just get really strange.