I miss the health food store!!!!

Back when I used to work at the health food store, which was my favorite job ever, there was this crazy lady who used to come in all the time. She gave me some of my best stories. Now, please understand that I do not advocate making fun of the insane. I am one class short of having a B.S. (Ha Ha!) is psychology and I myself am crazy. I feel crazy people should be treated with respect and compassion. But that doesn't mean that they aren't damn funny sometimes.
For instance, this lady who used to come in to the health food store always wore a pair of pants that she had pieced together herself. She had stitched the bottoms of a pair of sweat pants to the tops of a pair of blue jeans. She had a gold tooth with a cross on it on one of her front teeth. And she had put caulk all around the glasses she wore in order to keep out radio waves. I remember asking her what good it did to only caulk the outside of her glasses when her glasses had no lenses in them, thus exposing her entire eye area to the radio waves, but she told me that I just didn't understand how the Aliens worked. She always carried a hug army sack, and sometimes she'd pull a little metal cart behind her.
Anyway, one day, this lady cornered me for thirty minutes to talk about my mental health. She informed me that the reason why I was crazy was because of the mercury fillings in my teeth. I told her that I've only ever had one mercury filling, but she told me that that was still enough to send me over the edge and make me insane. She informed me that she fixed her 'mental problems' by removing all her fillings herself, and that I should do the same in order to improve my mental health as well.
She gave me step by step instructions for how to go about doing an at home filling extraction. What she did was this: First, she got a chisel, some bubble gum and a vacuum cleaner. Then, she dug her fillings out one by one with the chisel while filming the entire act. She made two copies of the tape she'd filmed—one she sent to the dentist who had put her fillings in when she was a child, and the other copy was sent to a lawyer on account of the fact that intended to sue her childhood dentist for child abuse.
It was a fascinating story and one that I did not choose to attempt on myself.
I still have my mercury filling, and I'm still just as crazy as I ever was.
But man, do I ever miss that health food store. I should go and volunteer there.