Depressed

Well, I'm depressed. A realization has finally stuck me down.

See, when I was a kid, I used to be firmly under the impression that everyone has a destiny. I read a book by Rollo May called, 'Freedom and Destiny' and in his book he claims that every person has to get though their subconscious programming—their old pain and limiting beliefs, to break through and then begin to manifest their destiny.

I interpreted it at the time as working through your karma in order to eventually reach your dharma.

However, I was sitting on the sofa last night, and it occurred to me that some people's destinies are to get sick and die.

Look at Ann Frank. Her destiny was to become the voice of the Jewish people who were murdered in the holocaust. She ended up a historical figure, a person who represents all of the innocent people who were killed for no real reason in Nazi death camps.

She still died of typhus in a concentration camp though. She probably has no idea that she's 'Ann Frank'—the little girl who lived in the attic.

Then, I was reading in a book called 'Light Emerging' by Barbara Ann Brennan, in which she says that free will is actually a real thing, and that the amount of happiness you will experience in life is contingent upon the amount you are able to align your free will with divine will.

When I first read that, I was like, well hell, I'll just have to start meditating, and then I will know what my 'higher purpose' or 'plan' is. I've got no problem being willing to align myself to divine will.

I'm easy going, man. If God called me and told me to go off and do something, I'd do it.

However, it has just occurred to me that divine will, or 'God's plan' for you, could be bad. It hasn't got to be good.

Divine will could be that you die in a horrible way. You could become a statistic.

Look at all the people living in Africa who are starving to death right now. Is that divine will? Not all of those people could possibly be that far off their 'divine plan'. I mean, there's millions of people right now who are starving to death.

At least some of those millions of starving people are probably living the life they intended to live.

I think maybe life isn't so much a matter of growing up to be something. I'll bet it's more of a becoming. If you're supposed to learn patience, or forgiveness, or something like that, than technically speaking if you have a horrible life, or bad things happen to you, God could be behind that 100%.

Not only that, but there are no guarantees that you will grow up to be something, or even that you will be happy.

You could work through your karma, make it to your Dharma, and then find out that your Dharma is just to 'exist'.

Not everyone is destined for greatness. Some people probably aren't destined for anything.

There are probably some bums right now living on the street who have accomplished the goal of 'Divine will' or whatever.

Their destiny was to live on the street, with nothing at all. Maybe to learn humility, or faith, but either way, they are living the life God intended for them.

I read in a book by Carolyn Myss about some woman named 'Peace Pilgrim' who just started walking. She walked and she walked, with no goal or destination. She had no money, and no food. She just had faith in God.

She told a story once about fining a box to sleep in one night that had a blanket and a pillow in it. She seemed to think that it was a sign that God provided for her.

'Peace Pilgrim' was, evidently, following her life's 'plan' and manifesting her ultimate destiny. Which was walking, I guess.

I find this to be incredibly depressing. I don't think I was supposed to find that story so depressing, but I did.