E.J. tried to kill a duck!

My roommate, E.J. has all these chickens and ducks and he fancies himself to be some sort of a farmer. He's currently hoping to figure out a way to get a goat, and I guess he has plans on joining some sort of a weird cow share program, were people all go in on a cow and then everyone shares the milk.

Anyway, E.J. kept saying that he was going to kill, pluck, and butcher his ducks and chickens once they got big enough to eat. He planned on keeping some for the eggs of course, but he had promised Bekki that we'd be eating most of the poultry living in the backyard.

The trouble with E.J. though, is that E.J. has never killed anything, and he thinks of himself as a Buddhist. In fact, he found the Buddhist religion shortly before he got all his ducks and chicken.

He kept saying he was going to kill a chicken, or a duck, and that we would be eating one soon, for a long time.

One day, he stood up from the couch, where he had been sitting, and declared that he was, "Gonna do it."

Herewith is an account of E.J.'s one duck killing attempt:

So there was this gimpy duck, right. It had a bad leg. E.J. decided that that would be a good duck to kill and eat. So, he got a machete, and he went up to the duck, and swung the knife at the ducks neck in an attempt to lop off its head.

Unfortunately, the knife was pretty dull, and the neck was only gashed. The duck just began spurting blood all over while it ran around.

All of the other ducks and chickens turned to look at what was happening.
They began screaming and flapping their wings.

E.J. then tried again. He swung the knife, and gashed the duck on the other side of its neck.

The duck started spurting even more blood from its neck, and then it began staggering in circles.

The chickens were screaming and flapping their wings. The ducks were crying in terror. E.J. didn't know what to do. Finally, he lunged at the duck and with a couple of violent swipes with his knife, lopped off its head.

Then, he took the duck meat from the dead duck, and buried the rest of the duck in the woods.

After which, he came back home and sat and stared at the wall for a while.

I guess the duck killing attempt was so traumatic that E.J. has decided that he will never kill another duck or chicken ever again.

In fact, he's taking them to some Amish guy to butcher them from now on.

I told E.J. that he never should have become a Buddhist BEFORE he became a chicken and duck farmer, but he just glared at me so I shut up.