Bad Drivers

Thinking about all the bad drivers in the world gets me to thinking about Margaret.
I was in the car once with Margaret when she hit a gas pump.

All these people came running out of the gas station, so Margaret just threw her car into reverse, and then got the Hell out of there.

We just went to a different gas station.

Margaret is a better driver now than she once was. She used to be so bad, we all thought she'd die driving, for sure.

Once, she was trying to back out of her driveway, and she accidentally hit her husband's truck.

She also kept leaving her glasses on the hood of her car, and then backing over them.

She went through four pairs of glasses because she kept running them over.

Once, she had so many points on her license for speeding and swerving around that she almost went to jail.

For a while, she had to go down and pay a speeding ticket fine at least once a month.

Whenever the cops pull her over, they always check to see if she is wearing shoes, because they have it written down somewhere that she drives barefoot.

The greatest thing about Margaret is that she gets in the car with me when I'm driving, and she bitches about how I brake the car, and what speed I'm going, etc. . . .

I don't complain when she's driving.

I just repeat my mantra, and try to go to my 'special place'—the garden of my mind.

Sometimes, I imagine that I am on a beach, drinking Iced Tea, and watching the waves roll in.

The best story about Margaret's driving, I think, is the time the cops pulled her over for drunk driving when she was sober.

I guess she was doing about 20 miles under the speed limit, and swerving from one lane to the next.

She claims that she was trying to drink hot tea in a travel cup, and that's why she was swerving so badly.

I guess the cops turned on their siren, but she just kept driving because she didn't think they were trying to pull her over.

They followed her for a long time, until another cop car came to block her. Then she pulled off to the side of the road.

The cop had her walk a straight line, and she passed because she wasn't drunk. Then he made her sing her ABC's, and touch her nose.

The cop became more and more upset because he was sure that she was drunk.

"How can you drive that badly sober?" The cop asked her, becoming irate.

He asked for permission to search her car, and went digging through her vehicle looking for drugs and alcohol.

When he found nothing, he got even more upset.

Margaret said he was screaming and his face was turning red.

She became afraid that he was going to plant drugs on her, just so he could arrest her for something.

The cops who had been called for back up told the other cop who wanted to arrest Margaret to let her go, and that she really was just a bad driver.

Margaret came to my house to tell me about this incident, stunned at what had happened.

"Do you really think they would have planted drugs on me, Barbie?" She asked me.

"If that's what it would take to get you off the roadways, I think so." I said.

She got mad at me for my lack of empathy, but really, some people should not be out driving.

There is no shame in taking public transportation.

If you drive that badly, save everyone some trouble and just take the bus.