The time the cops saved us from a raccoon

So I was off to the store. It was pretty late, so I just threw my coat on over my pajamas. While I was walking out the front door, I looked over my shoulder to take note of the fact that the cat was behind me. I then opened the door and walked outside. While I was standing there, the cat came up and brushed itself up against me legs. I thought to myself, "Oh no! I can't let the cat out! She could
die out in the wild, and even if she lived, she'dfor sure come back pregnant because that cat really wants to mate with something So, I turned back around, opened the front door, went into the house, and called, "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."
Then a huge, forty pound raccoon shoved itself in through the door. At first I though, for a split second, "That's not the cat!"
And then I started screaming, "It's a raccoon! It's a raccoon!"
I ran into Bekki and E.J's bedroom and jumped on their bed and kept shouting,
"It's a raccoon! It's a raccoon!"
E.J. was like, "What is wrong with you, you crack head?"
He went out to the kitchen to investigate and then he too started screaming,
"It's a raccoon! It's a raccoon!"
E.J. came racing back into the bedroom and he cowered in the corner with me while we kept screaming, "A raccoon! There's a raccoon! It's a raccoon!"
Bekki informed us that she was going to go and save the cat, and get her daughter Nikki from off the sofa in the living room, where she sat crying because we'd scared her with all that screaming. Arming herself with a plastic, cylinder like container that had once held gum balls and made a handy stick, Bekki went out and first saved Nikki from the living room and dropped her off in the bedroom. Then she went off to save the cat. Apparently, the beginnings of a fight were about to break out between the raccoon and the cat, so Bekki whacked the raccoon in the head with the plastic gum ball holder to distract it, and the cat made a run for it and hid in the bathroom. While Bekki was out defending the cat, E.J called the cops. No one knew that E.J had called the cops until two police officers showed up at the front door. Meanwhile, the raccoon had barricaded itself in the closet by the kitchen. The one cop sighed after he
had assessed the situation and looked at the other cop.
"I guess were just gonna have to do what we always do," He said.
Then, they asked Bekki for a piece of yarn, which they then tied to the end of a
mop they found in the kitchen. To the other end of the yarn, they tied an apple.
When I looked closer at the cop, who had a full beard and brown hair, I realized that he was the same cop who had previously busted me from walking with no shoes on. I even said to him, "Aren't you the cop who busted me for walking with no shoes on?" But he just glared at me. Then he said, "How'd this raccoon get in here ma'am?" So I told him, "I opened the door and said, 'Here's kitty, kitty, kitty. And the raccoon came running into the house." So, the cops swung the apple that they'd tied to the end of the mop over the raccoon's head, and said, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty." But it didn't work. They tried for a long time. Then they tried throwing stuff at the raccoon, like empty soda bottles and cooking utensils that they'd found in the kitchen drawers. Throwing things at the raccoon didn't work so then they tried to trick the raccoon out of the closet by shinning their flashlights at him and then dragging the flashlight beams along the floor. But nothing worked. They contemplated shooting the raccoon, but they didn't want to have to shoot a gun directly into Bekki and E.J.'s kitchen closet. They considered tazing the raccoon, but the one officer talked the other officer out of it on account of the fact that it was, "inhumane." The cops stayed for two hours before they were finally forced to call for backup. A squad car from a neighboring town came with one of those animal control sticks that has a loop on one end for hooking wild animals. They looped the raccoon around his neck and drug him out of the closet, through the kitchen, and then out onto the lawn, and
back to its rightful home in the wild