Little Kids

You know, I think little kids are in a constant 'high like' condition.

It's like they're tripping on acid all the time.

Today, Nikki was jumping around shouting, "Spiders! Spiders! They're everywhere! There's spiders all over. Help!"

Like you know, if she was ten years older, she'd be medicated for doing some of the weird stuff she does.

I remember being little myself though, and I know now, looking back, that I wasn't 'all there.'

I don't think anyone is.

An ad came on TV today for 'The Secret of the Ooze' a Ninja Turtle Movie, and I turned to Bekki and I told her that when I was a kid, I thought I was going to grow up to marry Leonardo, the Ninja Turtle with the purple mask.

Bekki told me that she thought she'd grow up to marry Michelangelo.
I was kind of surprised to discover that someone else felt the same way I once did about a Ninja Turtle.

I remember thinking Leonardo was the most attractive Ninja Turtle because he wore a purple mask, and he had the best weapon.

I also though Splinter, the giant rat who was like the Ninja Turtle's leader, and father figure, was like, the Buddha.

I remember watching 'The Secret of The Ooze,' and thinking Splinter was so wise. I wanted to grow up to be a wise rat, and live in the sewer too. I'm not making this up.

I also remember being absolutely crushed when I wasn't allowed to go to a 'New Kids on the Block' concert because I was too little.

My heart was broken, and I thought I'd surely die over not ever being able to see 'The New Kids' live in concert.

I think I was like 6 or 7, and I remember I cried myself to sleep over that loss.

When you're a kid, life is just one surreal and bizarre experience after another. And you have no grasp on reality, whatsoever.

I remember going through the playboy collection that my mom got from my dad in the divorce (He took all her porcelain dolls, and she took his playboys) and trying to decide which playmate I was going to grow up to be.

I even tore pictures from out of the magazines and hung them on my walls.

Did I wan't to be Miss March? Or Miss April?

I remember thinking this was a major decision that I was going to have to make.

I also remember trying to decide if I wanted to grow up to be a blond, a brunette, or a red head.

I even thought I could grow up to be black. There was one particular black playmate in one of those playboy magazines who I remember thinking was the most beautiful woman in the world.

I remember thinking to myself, 'She so pretty, maybe I'd rather be Miss January when I grow up. I'll have to get darker skin, but that won't be a problem."

I had no grasp on reality at all.

Little kids are just out of it man. They don't know what's going on.

You buy them a happy meal, and they think you're some kind of a God.

If my 6 year old self could meet my 26 year old self, that little girl would be SO disappointed.

I can see her now, she's give me the third degree:

'Where's Leonardo?

What? He's not here? You mean you didn't marry a Ninja Turtle? What happened?

Did you ever even meet the Ninja Turtles?

No?! Why not?

Did you ever get to go to a New Kids concert?

No??!!!!! Never?! Why Not?!

What do you mean you don't live in the sewer?

What do you mean you're not miss January of 83'

WHAT WENT WRONG?????'

And I'd just have to be like, "I dunno kid, I just failed. I real sorry about that."