I wish Angelina Jolie Was My Mom

I wish I could get Angelina Jolie to adopt me. Angelina Jolie is a famous movie star who has been going around the world adopting different orphans, and I wish she would come and get me too.

I wish I knew how to get in on this whole, 'being adopted by the rich and famous' deal. I'd jump on that bandwagon in about a second.

I don't know if she'd want me, after I told her my true age, so I'd have to lie and tell I her that I'm younger than I really am.

I'd have to get a phony birth certificate, I'll bet, and a new social security number.

I'm not sure if she likes American orphans though, she seems to like to adopt from third world countries, so it's possible that I might have to claim to be a foreign orphan.

I don't know if I could pass myself off as anything other than possibly Canadian. I'm not sure.

I suppose it's possible she might be willing to adopt a Russian child. Last heard, living in Russia was pretty bad, so I could tell her I was Russian orphan, and start sending her letters of solicitation.

I could tell her in my sad letters about the kind food they feed me where I live now, and about how I have to watch Bekki and E.J.'s kids all the time, AND PAY RENT, and then I'll bet Angelina Jolie would feel sorry for me and then she'll come and save me.

I could send her pictures of me sitting around looking hungry.
I could tell her that I worked in a sticker sweatshop for two days, too. She'd be horrified.

She'd come for me and then I'd drive off with her into the sunset, sitting in the back if the limo while I sipped kool aid made with imported water from France.

I'll bet she's send me to only the best schools. I'd be willing to go back to Elementary school, if that's what it took to pass myself off as one Angelina Jolie's adopted orphans.

I'll bet I'd fly through Elementary school, too. They'd think I was some kind of a prodigy.

If Angelina Joie adopted me, I'd get to travel the world. And I'd get to go to movie premiers, and meet lots of famous people. I could even try to start my own acting career.

Man, how DO you get Angelina Jolie to adopt you? This is a serious question. This idea is sounding better and better the more I think about it.

Those kids she adopted are the luckiest damn little bastards in the world. One minute you living in some run down orphanage, and then before you know it, here comes ANGELINA JOIE who wants to be you mommy.

What kind of amazing karma is that? What would have to have done in a past life to get that kind of deal in this one?

Where did I go wrong?