Deep Thoughts

You know, I really like Jack Handy. I wonder if my deep thoughts could ever be as good as his? Here is my attempt:

I wonder why very religious people are so down on birth control. I mean, if you
believe in immaculate conception, doesn't it stand to reason that mother Mary would have gotten pregnant even if she was on the pill?

I know if you go blind that you can get a seeing eye dog. But can you get a seeing eye parrot? I think a Seeing Eye parrot would be better than a seeing eye dog because then it could talk to you. Instead of the dog just pulling you around, the parrot could scream stuff like, "Watch out for that bus!"

I wonder if you failed an IQ test, but you also had an exhaust leak in your car, would the people who gave you the exam adjust your score to compensate for the points you lost due to the inhalation of the exhaust fumes?

If 2% milk is really just 98% water, I wonder why people don't just mix their own 2% milk. If you got a jug of spring water, and jug of whole milk, I'll bet you could mix lots of gallons of 2% milk yourself and then sell them to your friends.

Have you ever talked to someone who claims they were lost, but they are telling you about it while they are at home? To those kinds of people I always say, "How could you be lost? You're standing right here."

You know, a good joke you could tell your mother would be to say, "When they were handing out moms, I thought they said 'bombs' so I asked for a dud." I think that would be a funny thing to put on a cup to give to your mom for mother's day.